17 August, 2010
The last days
Well I'm home now. I'll quickly recap the last few weeks for consistency's sake before jumping into some closing comments.
The weekend spent in Kilarney and Lahinch was spectacular. On Friday Jimmy picked me up a bit early from work and we headed off to Kilarney.
View Kilarney + Lahnich in a larger map
After one night in Kilarney, eating at a great restaurant (whose name escapes me) where I had a grilled peaches salad (divine!), we attempted to go to the Skellig islands. Sadly, the islands were closed to visitors that day because the water and weather were too dangerous. This is sad because they seem so amazing! But we rolled with it, and toured some local sites instead, like Dunloe Castle and Muckross House. We also visited Muckross Abbey, which was my favorite. It was kind of hidden by a walk through some rambling country trails, reminiscent of a Pride and Prejudice scene.
The Abbey itself was not as well restored as the other sites we went to. The weather had beaten down on it, leaving some graves unreadable.The oldest we found was 1626, as I recall, which is still older than the European knowledge of my home continent. The Abbey itself was founded some time in the 1400's; mad! It was beautiful, in a kind of cult of ruins kind of way, covered in ivy and moss, framed by a grey sky and aging, weathered stone walls. Some of the graves were recent too. Obviously, this spot had been significant to people for many, many generations. It felt sacred and intimate in it's continuity.
We drove around for a bit after that, partly because the weather was such a rainy mess. We went up a road called the Ring of Kerry that was outstandingly beautiful. Small, winding roads framed with over hanging trees, climbing higher and higher up large stony hills and overlooking miles and miles of wild country side, lakes and stone.
That evening we headed through Limerick to Lahnich and spent the night in the little beach town, eating another wonderful supper. In the morning we headed to the beach for some surfing. I kid you not, I went surfing in Ireland. Though it was my first time on a board and even in the Ocean for maybe five years, I was still confident. I would have to do it a few more times (ie. lots and lots) to confidently call myself decent at the sport, but still loved every second. I love being in the water, surrounded by waves and salt. It feels so natural.
After a full day in the water and standing up on the board a few times (yay Libby!!), we got in the car and came back to Dublin. I rested and cleaned up a bit then watched some Michael Collins with Jimmy. I think I should have watched this movie before I even came to Ireland. It featured so many places I had been and offered significance and insight into Irish history and mentality. Like Croke Park and the stands I sat in, the Cusack stands, were the sight of a massacre by the British soldiers less than a century before I visited. Thats only two or three generations. This is still an emotional memory for the Irish, something that I can only witness, never fully grasp. I have so much more respect for Ireland and the Irish people after seeing that film.
I worked the week as usual, trying to finish things up for Sarah and for my internship. I saw Jimmy again on Monday, when we finished the movie, then on Wednesday we went for a cycle in Phoenix Park, the largest enclosed park in Europe. We even saw some of the deer in the park! It was absolutely lovely!!
Friday was a big day for me, at work and with friends. The night before, on Thursday, I went to a table quiz to raise money for CMRF (look, name drop!!). Johann, Nicola M and Sue were all on a team with Jimmy and I, though I don't think it's a stretch to say I didn't contribute much. We did well, placing third after dropping from a steady hold on first the entire game. Jimmy and I went out afterwards to Flannery's, making a rather late night.
In the morning I came in a bit later than usual and Sarah and Hannah picked my little tech brain! I think I passed on a lot of knowledge that I had amassed while interning at the Children's Medical and Research Foundation (again, shameless name drop!!). I was exhausted by the end, but that's when the tears and sadness began. I think I had been putting off being sad until the last day, saying that only then was the appropriate time for tears. And tears surely came.
Sarah and Hannah both brought me to tears with their kindness. Then they told me we needed to go upstairs for something, I didn't pay much attention. And when I opened the door, there was everyone, a full spread of food and tea laid out and a CMRF banner on the wall. This part is kind of a blur, words were spoken, I too spoke and was overwhelmed by the emotion of the moment. Then they played a little slideshow they created from my Facebook photos of Ireland. I cried some more and tried to express how much the past two months have changed my life, so much in part to Sarah and the Foundation.
I made a little video, which I'm going to place at the end of this post, to try to capture the moment a bit. After work I headed home to get ready to go out with Jimmy for the last time. We went to an Indonesian restaurant where we had a lovely and exotic meal.. it was fantastic! Then we went to the IFI, one of my favorite spots in Dublin, to see Five Easy Pieces. The Irish Film Institute was having a little monthly thing on Jack Nicholson and we decided to catch this surreal little classic. Maybe not the best film to see the night before I left, but still a great film.
The next morning I finished packing and headed, very sadly, to the airport. Jimmy dropped me off as I cried and found my way to the gate. A blubbering mess of a girl got on a plane headed for Arizona, only a semblance of the one who, two months previous, had stepped foot on Irish soil.
I think insights will have to come later. Even going over the past week is making me sad that I don't get to be there tomorrow for work or to go ride bikes with Jimmy. I think I do better with the adjustment and culture shock when I'm not thinking so much about it, but I just felt like I wanted to finish this blog and not leave it hanging in the interwebs. More tomorrow.
The weekend spent in Kilarney and Lahinch was spectacular. On Friday Jimmy picked me up a bit early from work and we headed off to Kilarney.
View Kilarney + Lahnich in a larger map
After one night in Kilarney, eating at a great restaurant (whose name escapes me) where I had a grilled peaches salad (divine!), we attempted to go to the Skellig islands. Sadly, the islands were closed to visitors that day because the water and weather were too dangerous. This is sad because they seem so amazing! But we rolled with it, and toured some local sites instead, like Dunloe Castle and Muckross House. We also visited Muckross Abbey, which was my favorite. It was kind of hidden by a walk through some rambling country trails, reminiscent of a Pride and Prejudice scene.
The Abbey itself was not as well restored as the other sites we went to. The weather had beaten down on it, leaving some graves unreadable.The oldest we found was 1626, as I recall, which is still older than the European knowledge of my home continent. The Abbey itself was founded some time in the 1400's; mad! It was beautiful, in a kind of cult of ruins kind of way, covered in ivy and moss, framed by a grey sky and aging, weathered stone walls. Some of the graves were recent too. Obviously, this spot had been significant to people for many, many generations. It felt sacred and intimate in it's continuity.
We drove around for a bit after that, partly because the weather was such a rainy mess. We went up a road called the Ring of Kerry that was outstandingly beautiful. Small, winding roads framed with over hanging trees, climbing higher and higher up large stony hills and overlooking miles and miles of wild country side, lakes and stone.
That evening we headed through Limerick to Lahnich and spent the night in the little beach town, eating another wonderful supper. In the morning we headed to the beach for some surfing. I kid you not, I went surfing in Ireland. Though it was my first time on a board and even in the Ocean for maybe five years, I was still confident. I would have to do it a few more times (ie. lots and lots) to confidently call myself decent at the sport, but still loved every second. I love being in the water, surrounded by waves and salt. It feels so natural.
After a full day in the water and standing up on the board a few times (yay Libby!!), we got in the car and came back to Dublin. I rested and cleaned up a bit then watched some Michael Collins with Jimmy. I think I should have watched this movie before I even came to Ireland. It featured so many places I had been and offered significance and insight into Irish history and mentality. Like Croke Park and the stands I sat in, the Cusack stands, were the sight of a massacre by the British soldiers less than a century before I visited. Thats only two or three generations. This is still an emotional memory for the Irish, something that I can only witness, never fully grasp. I have so much more respect for Ireland and the Irish people after seeing that film.
I worked the week as usual, trying to finish things up for Sarah and for my internship. I saw Jimmy again on Monday, when we finished the movie, then on Wednesday we went for a cycle in Phoenix Park, the largest enclosed park in Europe. We even saw some of the deer in the park! It was absolutely lovely!!
Friday was a big day for me, at work and with friends. The night before, on Thursday, I went to a table quiz to raise money for CMRF (look, name drop!!). Johann, Nicola M and Sue were all on a team with Jimmy and I, though I don't think it's a stretch to say I didn't contribute much. We did well, placing third after dropping from a steady hold on first the entire game. Jimmy and I went out afterwards to Flannery's, making a rather late night.
In the morning I came in a bit later than usual and Sarah and Hannah picked my little tech brain! I think I passed on a lot of knowledge that I had amassed while interning at the Children's Medical and Research Foundation (again, shameless name drop!!). I was exhausted by the end, but that's when the tears and sadness began. I think I had been putting off being sad until the last day, saying that only then was the appropriate time for tears. And tears surely came.
Sarah and Hannah both brought me to tears with their kindness. Then they told me we needed to go upstairs for something, I didn't pay much attention. And when I opened the door, there was everyone, a full spread of food and tea laid out and a CMRF banner on the wall. This part is kind of a blur, words were spoken, I too spoke and was overwhelmed by the emotion of the moment. Then they played a little slideshow they created from my Facebook photos of Ireland. I cried some more and tried to express how much the past two months have changed my life, so much in part to Sarah and the Foundation.
I made a little video, which I'm going to place at the end of this post, to try to capture the moment a bit. After work I headed home to get ready to go out with Jimmy for the last time. We went to an Indonesian restaurant where we had a lovely and exotic meal.. it was fantastic! Then we went to the IFI, one of my favorite spots in Dublin, to see Five Easy Pieces. The Irish Film Institute was having a little monthly thing on Jack Nicholson and we decided to catch this surreal little classic. Maybe not the best film to see the night before I left, but still a great film.
The next morning I finished packing and headed, very sadly, to the airport. Jimmy dropped me off as I cried and found my way to the gate. A blubbering mess of a girl got on a plane headed for Arizona, only a semblance of the one who, two months previous, had stepped foot on Irish soil.
I think insights will have to come later. Even going over the past week is making me sad that I don't get to be there tomorrow for work or to go ride bikes with Jimmy. I think I do better with the adjustment and culture shock when I'm not thinking so much about it, but I just felt like I wanted to finish this blog and not leave it hanging in the interwebs. More tomorrow.
04 August, 2010
Days 42-50
It's been a week since I've written. It's not that I'm dead and it's not really that I'm busy, though I am tired and working hard.
What I'm feeling is similar to what I felt when I was in Phoenix before I left: a combination of panic, grief, excitement, dread, fear, exhilaration and joy. It's overwhelming. I feel like I haven't been myself for the past week because of all this emotion.. kind of like how I used to feel leaving Mingus when I was in Junior High, but a longer period of time and much more extreme.
I guess I should begin by asking for understanding and forgiveness. This is me, of course, but me in an extreme. I'm "freaking out" on the inside and it's hard to keep it together on the outside.
Today the CEO of CMRF asked me what I'd learned in Ireland. Or what had I experienced that I didn't expect. I thought for a second and I told him something I've been churning but hadn't spoken yet.
What I learned in Ireland:
1) People in Ireland are a lot like the people in the United States. In fact, they're the same. "They," the Irish, are just people, just people who want to be seen as individuals. I learned to look past the generalizations about a population and listen to people. That's when you see what makes you miss a place, it's the real relationships and emotional connections you make with people.
So I didn't find the Irish to be friendly or rude or uneducated or drunk. I found some young people to be insightful and some older people to be crass. I found them as individuals. I hope they found me to the be the same.
2) That the things you have don't make you happy. Or, that happiness is a choice. Humans are flexible, adaptable to a variety of situations. The things we have don't make our lives happier, they make us comfortable, give us the imitation of control and predictability. I can be happy without endless wireless or a car or my clothes or my cat or my family. Happiness is a choice. I can be happy without things. I cannot be happy without a smile.
3) Opportunity is not passive. You have to get your hands dirty and work hard to find something worth seeking. And along the way, you find out all kinds of things you didn't know you could do. I am more capable than I ever imagined. The confidence that comes with that self discovery is a gift I worked hard for and will never leave me.
4) As Sarah said "turn your what if's into even ifs." This concept of "ready" is just another way to make an excuse. Instead of what if I fail, what if it doesn't work, what if we break up, instead it's even if I fail, even if it doesn't work, even if we break up.. I'm still here, I'm still me, I still love my family.
So America, I'm returning in about ten days. I've gained 5 lbs, at least, but what I carry home in my soul cannot be weighed. I feel different, the same, but different. Not happier, but more satisfied and content.
I won't be writing much, I don't think, because I've got things to do, things to finish and people to spend time with.
Quickly though:
Last Wednesday: Hung out with Jimmy, went to dinner at Thai place, watched Donnie Darko
Thursday: Worked, went out for last time with all the American girls to Flannery's, Carolyn was a crack up, wore green dress, met up with Jimmy, ate a kebab, got a mirror
Friday: Went to Dun Lagohaire with Jimmy, ate pizza, was tired, looked for Michael Collins
Saturday: Was sick. Went out with McKenna to Whelans/the Globe. Had a great time. Ate chicken nuggets. Danced the two-step on Grafton Street
Sunday: Was sick again. Boo. Watched 500 Days with girls in room. Went to sleep early.
Monday: Went to Kilarney Jail, learned a whole bunch about Irish history, walked on every bridge on the Liffey. Loved the jail, love Irish history. Hung out with Jimmy in Dun Lagohaire, walked a bit and drove around Dun Lagohaire, ate Thai food (this was a bank holiday)
Tuesday: worked, ran, made dinner for girls
Wednesday: worked, made dinner, kesley back from Paris
I'm still in a funky mood.. I think I'll head to bed. Night
What I'm feeling is similar to what I felt when I was in Phoenix before I left: a combination of panic, grief, excitement, dread, fear, exhilaration and joy. It's overwhelming. I feel like I haven't been myself for the past week because of all this emotion.. kind of like how I used to feel leaving Mingus when I was in Junior High, but a longer period of time and much more extreme.
I guess I should begin by asking for understanding and forgiveness. This is me, of course, but me in an extreme. I'm "freaking out" on the inside and it's hard to keep it together on the outside.
Today the CEO of CMRF asked me what I'd learned in Ireland. Or what had I experienced that I didn't expect. I thought for a second and I told him something I've been churning but hadn't spoken yet.
What I learned in Ireland:
1) People in Ireland are a lot like the people in the United States. In fact, they're the same. "They," the Irish, are just people, just people who want to be seen as individuals. I learned to look past the generalizations about a population and listen to people. That's when you see what makes you miss a place, it's the real relationships and emotional connections you make with people.
So I didn't find the Irish to be friendly or rude or uneducated or drunk. I found some young people to be insightful and some older people to be crass. I found them as individuals. I hope they found me to the be the same.
2) That the things you have don't make you happy. Or, that happiness is a choice. Humans are flexible, adaptable to a variety of situations. The things we have don't make our lives happier, they make us comfortable, give us the imitation of control and predictability. I can be happy without endless wireless or a car or my clothes or my cat or my family. Happiness is a choice. I can be happy without things. I cannot be happy without a smile.
3) Opportunity is not passive. You have to get your hands dirty and work hard to find something worth seeking. And along the way, you find out all kinds of things you didn't know you could do. I am more capable than I ever imagined. The confidence that comes with that self discovery is a gift I worked hard for and will never leave me.
4) As Sarah said "turn your what if's into even ifs." This concept of "ready" is just another way to make an excuse. Instead of what if I fail, what if it doesn't work, what if we break up, instead it's even if I fail, even if it doesn't work, even if we break up.. I'm still here, I'm still me, I still love my family.
So America, I'm returning in about ten days. I've gained 5 lbs, at least, but what I carry home in my soul cannot be weighed. I feel different, the same, but different. Not happier, but more satisfied and content.
I won't be writing much, I don't think, because I've got things to do, things to finish and people to spend time with.
Quickly though:
Last Wednesday: Hung out with Jimmy, went to dinner at Thai place, watched Donnie Darko
Thursday: Worked, went out for last time with all the American girls to Flannery's, Carolyn was a crack up, wore green dress, met up with Jimmy, ate a kebab, got a mirror
Friday: Went to Dun Lagohaire with Jimmy, ate pizza, was tired, looked for Michael Collins
Saturday: Was sick. Went out with McKenna to Whelans/the Globe. Had a great time. Ate chicken nuggets. Danced the two-step on Grafton Street
Sunday: Was sick again. Boo. Watched 500 Days with girls in room. Went to sleep early.
Monday: Went to Kilarney Jail, learned a whole bunch about Irish history, walked on every bridge on the Liffey. Loved the jail, love Irish history. Hung out with Jimmy in Dun Lagohaire, walked a bit and drove around Dun Lagohaire, ate Thai food (this was a bank holiday)
Tuesday: worked, ran, made dinner for girls
Wednesday: worked, made dinner, kesley back from Paris
I'm still in a funky mood.. I think I'll head to bed. Night
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